Cactus in the valley

And wipe the mark of madness from my face

Show me that your love will never change

If my yesterday is a disgrace

Tell me that you still recall my name

This song speaks wonders to me. I first heard it browsing through a Lights youtube playlist. I started paying attention to the lyrics and realized how much I needed to say this out loud. I needed to sing the words and express the brokenness I had been suppressing. I didn’t realize I was still living very much in the past, unable to let go of some mistakes I made. I thought I’d forgiven everyone involved in the situation, but I forgot someone important: myself. Yeah, it’s as cliche as it gets. But it’s also a crucial step in the healing process. If I didn’t believe in grace, I would be hopeless. I would never be able to forgive myself, or never be able to confess my mistakes to anyone else. But then I remembered Jesus. And I remembered that though he knew, knows now, and knows later what mistakes I’ll make, he chose to sacrifice himself for my life anyway. My mistakes made all the difference, don’t get me wrong. My sin is part of the reason the cross was necessary. But then it was done. He said it’s finished. And I still can’t fathom that. I still can’t grasp the fact that my past is over. I can’t let go even though everyone else did. I do feel like “my yesterday is a disgrace.” But like these lyrics say, the love will never change. And he will always recall my name. I don’t know if that’s what the song is about. Lights is the daughter of missionary parents, so it very well could be. But that’s at least how it spoke to me. It reminded me that I am loved regardless of my past, present, and future.

Originally posted by Under The Art.

3 replies on “Cactus in the valley”

Part of forgiving ourselves is the letting go of all of it, the disgrace, the guilt, the whatever. Jesus makes us new and we as new creations are meant to walk into the future cleaned of the past. As long as we hold any part of the past, it will, like a hot potato, continue to do damage to we who hold it. Once we ask for forgiveness, Scripture says that the Lord remembers the offense no longer, and I believe He wants us to do the same. Learn from it yes, but remember it no. Blessings, Natalie


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