“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” – Donald Miller
Dear Elite Daily, Thought Catalog, and the like:
As much as I love unmarried teenagers telling me the top 57 reasons to keep my guy around and the 10 reasons I should know I’m with the right one and the 95 reasons my boyfriend is my best friend, I don’t actually love it, not one bit, nope nope nope
Okay, when I start ranting in run-on sentences, you know it’s serious.
I’m not married. I’m not engaged. I’m in a long distance relationship and have been for over a year now. I’m really not an expert. But I do know a few things.
1) Not every relationship is going to look the same, so please STOP GIVING ME LISTS telling me I’m doing something wrong.
2) You do not have to poop in front of each other to have a healthy, best friend relationship with your significant other. I never want anyone to watch this happen, nor do I want to watch it myself. It’s sort of icky and smells weird. I just don’t like gross things. Plus, it would be impossible to do this anyway because girls don’t poop.
3) However, if you want to do things in front of each other, that’s cool. Don’t let a list of opinions and personal experiences define your unique relationship.
4) There is no formula for the perfect relationship. My guy is not going to meet every standard I set. No one is going to do that. You cannot expect someone to be perfect for you or satisfy your every need. It’s not realistic. You can, however, expect someone to have many faults. You can expect fights. You can expect to be annoyed at each other. You can expect to hate your S.O. sometimes. And you can choose to accept him and love him anyway. If you are comparing your person to a list on the Internet, you are just going to end up disappointed.
I don’t really like super long lists, so I hope you get my point. There are no relationship experts. There are scientists and others who study relationships and people who know how to identify trends and such, but when it comes down to it, it’s just you and another person trying to figure it out as you go. It’s not all rainbows and glitter, but that’s okay.
If your relationship is not physically or mentally harmful (in which case, there is a much bigger issue at hand), put up with the little fights. The little fights are to be expected. If you are in a healthy and mostly happy relationship, you will know. The little things will not make or break you. People mess up and people suck. Extend grace and love anyway because you know you aren’t perfect either. Am I rambling? Yes. I hope you’re still with me in my little flow of consciousness here. Anyway.
Relationships are not meant to be created from a list of standards and expectations. Reality will always fall short of your fantasy. Relationships are choices. To love another is to choose to love regardless of faults. It’s not always going to be easy, but it will be worth it.
“I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.” – Lisa Kleypas