Non è mai facile

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” – Isaiah 30:21 // Quando andrete a destra o quando andrete a sinistra, le tue orecchie udranno dietro a te una voce che dirà: «Questa è la via; camminate per essa!»

My mind has been in a WHirlWinD for the past three days. I’ve contacted Italian professors, I’ve asked my parents, I’ve asked my close friends, and I have talked my boyfriend’s ear off whining about how much I hate decision making. He is such a helpful little trooper.

So anyway, surprise! I’m spending my summer in Italy. But surprise! It’s not through the internship I’ve been talking about since November… Yeah.

This decision did NOT come easy. I could either spend 8 weeks in Catania (Sicily) interning in a to-be-determined role, completely immersed in the culture. It would be such an adventure. Based on my research, southern Italy is the opposite of my personality. It would be challenging and I could learn the language and cuisine and the art of espresso.

Or I could do another summer project (which is actually called Summer Missions this year, fyi). It would be the same thing I did in New York last summer, but I would be in Bologna (Northern Italy). I would live with the other Americans from Cru and be on campus at Unibo everyday. Bologna seemed like the safe choice. It’s with an organization I know well. I would know my role. It wouldn’t be too long, so I wouldn’t miss home that much.

Everyone expected me to choose Catania. I love an adventure. I love stepping out boldly into the unknown. I always talk about not being comfortable and experiencing the world. But as my heart kept telling me I should be in Bologna, I kept questioning. Why would I take the easy way out? I never take the easy way out. I never take the comfortable choice. I mean, what is life but an adventure?

My very wise friend who I’ll call Steve* (and by Steve I mean my lovely friend who is uncomfortable being complimented but idk why because she’s beautiful and awesome) reminded me of something. The Bible says believers should seek wise counsel. I did. It was a good choice.

Steve* reminded me that every choice has some element of risk even if I don’t see that. “Even if the risk of the safety is the unfamiliarity of the safety itself.” Profound statement, my friend.

And honestly, it’s so true. I’m terrified of living in safety and comfort because it feels like I’m not doing enough and I’m not stepping out in faith enough and I’m not enough. So by me choosing to go on summer missions with Cru again, I’m making the safe choice. And it scares me to death. And I’m really excited.

Because I’ve done this before, I have a lot of expectations and that’s not always a good thing. I expect to be disappointed that the trip isn’t longer. I expect to be annoyed in large groups in the city because I’m really independent. I expect things. But, truthfully, I have no idea what’s coming. I only think I know. I get it from my Dad. His catch phrase is: “Trust me.” Another one is, “Take a hot shower.” It will fix everything. Fun facts. Anyway, we’re both know it alls. I’ll admit.

So doing this project is going to be challenging. I expect my expectations to fall flat. I expect to be surprised. I expect to learn to be patient (I hope). I expect God to teach me things. I expect that I am going to go into this with a “been there, done that” attitude because I speak Italian pretty well and I understand how projects work. Obviously I’m an expert. So I expect to be humbled. I expect to be overwhelmed as I wait faithfully for support to come through. I expect to blog A LOT like this and I am rambling now so I guess I’ll wrap up.

Basically, as I was processing, I realized this summer, this trip, & my life is not about challenging myself. My goal is not to learn Italian, my goal is to learn about God.

Today I chose the comfortable option and it was the hardest choice for me to make. I hope this experience teaches me there is adventure in safety. There are lessons to be learned in safety. It is okay to choose the option no one expects from you. It is okay. Because, at the end of the day, if you are faithfully following the Lord and faithfully praying, He will guide your path and no option is the wrong option.

3 replies on “Non è mai facile”

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