putting everything out here

gotta be vulnerable.

i started this blog because i convinced myself i just needed a new platform for content creation. for fun content, not the serious stuff i used to write.

but after just a week, i have started doubting my intentions and abilities. i started telling myself i needed to make money as a blogger! i need instagram followers! i need more than 7 blog visits per day…..

AND i realized, i still need to write about serious stuff! it’s who i am, people. my old tagline was “I write about Jesus and culture,” and dang it, that’s still true and i’m passionate about serious and difficult things.

my old blog is the place i’ve always shared everything, mostly the vulnerable parts. this one, my new one… well, I wouldn’t be staying true to who I am as a writer if I didn’t do it here as well.

I was trying to be two different identities and I just can’t commit to that. On the one hand, I’m not gonna be able to always write about serious things. On the other, I’m not gonna be able to always eat good vegetables and share that with ya, either. so i’m not gonna try.

today’s health post talking about how cheating on my diet was no more and taking care of myself was WORTH IT, well… it was written a few days ago and scheduled for today.

my friends, today i feel very differently.

there are a lot of changes and stresses on me right now and, per usual, i’ve bottled it up until i cannot handle it in a healthy fashion anymore. i’ve been stress eating sugars of all kinds, glutens of all pastries. i feel like crap. this is now.

i just binged on a bunch of muffins i brought home from work (meant for husband matt, but…)

on the verge of tears, with a terrible stomachache and headache and head fog thanks to all this crap i’m eating even when i’m intolerant to it, on my 28572805th episode of the mindy project, alone on my couch sad that my husband isn’t home with me. mom, i know you said you were worried, but it’s FINE IT’S FINE i’m fine

this new blog has to be a place for vulnerability too. so i have made it easy on everyone and merged ALL of my old blog posts onto this site. scroll back through the blog roll and have a great time.

This can be a place for recipes and sharing fun stuff I’ve done in new york, but that’s not my reality mostly. that’s maybe 5% (completely made up percentage, yes) of my life. the rest is work, cleaning, sleeping, hopefully eating meals at the time they were meant to be eaten but probably not.

real life is anxiety coming back after being gone for a year. real life is figuring out/asking mom how to fill out a w4 because i got a new job (there, i said it, that’s one of my current stressors). real life is being nervous about a new job and sad about leaving my old one and worried about maintaining friendships because my track record isn’t great. real life is trying not to throw up (out of both sickness and guilt) the food i just ate. real life is going literally days without speaking to matt in person because our schedules are so different we are only together when we’re sleeping. real life is calling my grandma to ask how to boil an egg because the last time i tried, they were horrible failures and i wasted 6 eggs. real life is being a little bit poor and not being able to afford to waste 6 eggs.

Welcome to my life, here I am, world, creating all kinds of content, fun and not, grammar or not. just wanted you to know you can trust me. i’m gonna be honest and i hope that makes you feel like you can be too.

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