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speechless again

What are the odds that in the same week I decide to have a voice again, I am left speechless by a random coup…? Typical Wednesday afternoon after the year(s) we had and continue to have, it seems. Anyway…

I used to be able to write really good posts. I figured out what happened.

I’ve always had the privilege to stand in the middle. To be a bridge between oppressed and oppressors… because I wasn’t oppressed. Before this sounds too savior-complex, I’m just trying to make a metaphor and I know I’ve participated in oppressive systems, but anyway, I promise this is going somewhere.

I wrote posts about the death penalty and racism and homophobia, and I wrote it from a Christian perspective because, honestly, my Christian peers were doing a lot of the oppression and I wanted to show them how to love other people. Then it got too hard. The love just wouldn’t come from some of them and I’ve watched so many get more and more and more radicalized. And it’s not radical love, it’s radical patriotism and hatred and… I dunno, I’m tired.

I forgot about my privilege. Forgot that it isn’t up to the oppressed to fight for themselves constantly, tirelessly. Silence is oppression. I’ve been so silent. Wrapped up in the horrific things happening near me but not to me. Unable to grasp it without actually having to live it myself. I even put myself in a safe little echo chamber of social media because it was too hard to see things otherwise. I, truthfully, still don’t know what to do about that. Block everyone and make them read my posts? hehe. I don’t know. I feel like I’m spiraling.

A friend of mine shared a video a few days ago and it was very wise. She said some people have the gift of prophecy, the gift of words, but really it only comes when you’re consistently in the word of God. And admittedly, I just haven’t been in it. I think that’s where my words went. It’s where my confidence with my words went. I’ve got friends with a lot of different beliefs and maybe tried too hard to get them to understand by not being so biblically-minded in what I post. But I know where my words come from and it’s time to use my privilege and power again. So give me some time to get my head back in order and back in things that are true and good.

Christians, listen up. I’m coming for ya soon. And I’m a lot more fiery than I was before.

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