That’s a question i asked myself. Im typing this on my phone and i hate the new update, so you’ll have to forgive the capitalization and punctuation this time around. Roll with it
Anyway I’m reading this book. I liked the cover, so i grabbed it at the library. The main character is so whiny. I’m 151 pages in and she still hasn’t found one thing she likes in her new city.
Is that me, i wondered? Then i laughed to myself (this conversation taking place with myself fully in my head) and said nah. This is a grief blog and about feeling too deeply. It’s right there in the tagline. If you’re here, you expect a little whining, a little sad
The thing is, i feel joy and happiness and other things just as fully as i feel sadness and anger. I just don’t feel the need to write about that. The internet is full of people showing their best selves and their best life and giving you their highlight reel. It’s social media, so that’s fine. Highlight reels are nice to have. I’m just into being that person that says “yeah but sometimes life’s a little drab too.” Drab? Not sure how i feel about that word as of this moment, but let’s roll with that too.
If you’re a reader here, I hope that this gives you a safe place to breathe. To say “it’s not just me.” To know that in the middle of everything going seemingly well for literally everyone else, there’s someone out there who understands. Who can take those not so fun feelings and write them down for you.
We’ve been trying to find a church. Sort of. Pandemic weird time. Anyway, we tried a new virtual today and the topic for the next few weeks is “how to be happy.” This made me laugh. No it’s not the basic happy you think of. I think it’s the joy I’ve written about before. He talked about contentment. I laughed again. Wow, is this guy talking right to me? I wondered
I pulled out the gratitude journal i bought after my grandma died. I wrote one sentence in it last year and haven’t touched it since January 1, 2021. There was a dead spider stuck to the bottom. I didn’t know how to take that. But i opened the pages anyway. Take 2 for gratitude. I may not write about it here. It’s not something i need and the words just may not come.
But i did want to write this. Just to tell you it’s not all grief in this brain, just mostly grief on this blog. Just doin what i need and writing what I know. Just gonna roll with it.
Ps thanks to Hybrid on Unsplash for the image